Why Conservatives Are Racists

Progressive Democrat: "Republicans, and conservatives in general, are racists."

Conservative: "Wait, what??!?"

Progressive Democrat: "It's obvious. Just look at the historical facts."

Conservative: "The historical facts are that the Democrats were the only ones to ever own slaves, the Democrats started the terrorist organization known as the KKK in order to subjugate blacks. The Democrats lynched anyone, white or black, who tried to help blacks escape Democrat subjugation, and the Democrats continue to this very day to support slavery and enforce segregation. 

It is the Democrats who refused to allow trade sanctions against countries that employ slave labor, the Democrats who refuse to denounce the Chinese for their slave labor camps, the Democrats who impose segregation under the name of 'safe spaces', the Democrats who wore, in the House rotunda, the kente cloth that was the mark of the African slave master and slave hunter. It was the Democrats who opposed civil rights legislation in both the 1870s and the 1960s. Progressive Democrats did all those things."

Progressive Democrat: "Yes, but that shows you Republicans and conservatives are the true racists, because you stood by and let us do all that. Only a racist would stand idly by while someone did those things."

Conservative: "But we didn't stand idly by. We fought culturally, legislatively, even fought an entire Civil War to try and stop you. We're fighting a cultural war right now, trying to stop you."

Progressive Democrat: "Yes, and you are failing miserably, which means you WANT to fail miserably, so you must be racists. You are purposefully allowing us to win. We take your medical care, your jobs, your freedom of movement. We break up your families, indoctrinate your children, burn your cities, especially the black neighborhoods and the black businesses in those cities. We mock the black men who try to protect black communities, especially the black men and women who put on police uniforms to do it. We call you insurrectionists and rebels, we throw you in jail without possibility of bail, parole or even trial, and yet, despite all of these advantages which we have freely gifted to you, you don't beat us and win. You must be failing on purpose, you fail to protect black people because you hate black people."

Conservative: "Wait, what about the fact that you, the Democrat Progressives, are the ones actually doing all of these terrible things?!"

Progressive Democrat: "Look, Mr. Conservative, I've had enough of your 'what-about-ism'. Don't try to shift the conversation away from your guilt. Your failure to stamp out racism shows that you are the true racist. 

We are the pure of heart, who have the courage to point out your sins. You are cowardly racists, so you aren't willing to face your sins. But we are. We speak truth to weaklings. We do this despite the accolades we will receive from each other. We don't want or need praise for our bravery, but we do demand it. If you don't praise us for having confronted you about your racism, that merely confirms how racist you truly are. 

Just consider the systemic racism evident in the use of violence. Our arson and murders are a sign of our good intentions, while your willingness to even clean up trash during your marches is a sign of your white patriarchal supremacist worldview. Admit your guilt!"

Conservative: "Alright, you have me. But society is to blame."

Progressive Democrat: "Agreed."