Do Thomists kick sand in your face at the beach?
Are you intimidated by Chippendale strippers?
We have a solution to your "little problem"!
If you've always wanted to study Catholic theology, but didn't want to get too deeply influenced by the "religious right", then come and study at Chris West's Theology of the Body Institute and earn college credit at Creighton University at the same time!
As everyone knows, Creighton University is a world-class Catholic theological institution!
Indeed, it is currently the home of the first Catholic theologians since Father Richard McBrien to have their book formally condemned by the USCCB!
But these Creighton U. theology professors didn't just get any work condemned!
They went out of their way to show off their credentials in sexual ethics!
Yep, using the same personalistic philosophy espoused by Chris West, Drs. TODD A. SALZMAN and MICHAEL G. LAWLER, not only reached the same conclusions Chris did about the moral rectitude of anal sex foreplay, they took West's arguments to their logical conclusions! They "[blew] the lid off the common idea of what Christianity teaches, and demonstrate that Christianity isn't an invitation to starve [at the table of love]!"
"For the authors of The Sexual Person, a sexual act of virtually any physical description, whether it be vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, or masturbation, can be justified if this act has a suitable meaning in the minds of those involved. For them, the only relevant question is whether "a particular sexual act facilitates or frustrates the partner's human flourishing, their becoming more affectively and interpersonally human" (68, see 156)."Or, as has been "explained" elsewhere:
"In other words, in order to determine what is good, we only need to ask a simple question: Does this sexual attitude, thought or action truly image God's free, total, faithful, fruitful love?"Yes, you heard that right!
Now YOU can get college credit from the same institute whose theologians have had their work on sexual ethics condemned by one of the most liberal bishops' conferences in the world, the Democrat Party at prayer, the USCCB!
Yes, if you act now, you not only get Chris West's peculiarly personal version of personalist theology, you also get college credits accredited from Creighton University, the same university whose theological faculty just got a smack-down from all the bishops of the United States!
This amazing offer won't last long so act as soon as you can!
Remember, for the low, low low, early-bird price of $1045, our heavily discredited set of highly suspect Catholic theologians can put you well on your way to earning a degree in Catholic theology!
Now, sure for the extra $350 you spend on college credit over and above the cool GRAND you just dropped on the TOB Institute, you will find that “there will inevitably be some who are offended” by Creighton's non-traditional presentation of Catholic teaching on sexuality. "But you'd probably be surprised as to who they are, [they're] usually from the religious right."
Don't let the "religious right" kick sand in your face any longer!
If you join now, you'll not only learn how to turn Thomistic theology on its head, you'll be taught how to do it by internationally recognized experts in the field!
These people are WORLD-CLASS!
And for nearly $1500, you will be permitted to actually breathe the same room air they exhale!
But don't swoon yet!
That's not all.
If you act now, the first fifty callers will also get a FREE set of Sham-Wows.
And yes, you'll need those Sham-Wows because you'll be wiping down your own personal set of... Ginsu Knives!
Yes this AMAZING deal comes at NO EXTRA COST and includes FREE SHIPPING!
That's right - when you come to the TOB Institute, we'll pack your suitcases full of
- Ginsu Knives,
- West's Good News recommendations on anal sex,
- a special edition of Michael Waldstein's famous translation of JP II from the original Greek (it was Greek to Waldstein, anyway), signed by Mike with a special forward written in Swahili,
- and an especially autographed edition of The Sexual Person!
Well, since you insist, we added ONE MORE VALUABLE ITEM!
In the spirit of true college fraternities (and sororities) we'll have a rock concert afterwards!
With Chris doing his best imitation of Hefner doing karaoke!
Throw your panties on the stage for Chris!
He eats this stuff up!
We take credit cards and money orders, and cold, hard cash.*
*Partial refunds available for right-wing Puritanical Manichean prudes who are insecure in their own sexuality. If you are unsure if you qualify for a refund, just ask Chris - he'll instantly read your soul and infallibly assess your state of spiritual maturity. Refunds consist of sufficient bus fare to return you to whatever spiritual hell-hole produced a divisive rat like you. All refunds given in a spirit of loving Christian charity.