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Monday, March 22, 2010

Would He?

According to ABC News, death threats have been made against Barack Obama on Twitter.

I am, of course, absolutely horrified... horrified, I tell you.. horrified, that anyone would have that attitude towards Our Beloved Leader.

But the contemplation of such an awful... awful, I tell you... awful sentiment sparked a musing.
No, a musing, not amusement. My muse sparkled into action. Sparkled, I say.

Now, ABC News gravely reminds us that it is a violation of federal law to threaten the life of the President.

Of course, in order to successfully prosecute the gentlemen involved, the President would have to establish that he is actually legally President.

He would have to produce a birth certificate.
No, not a certificate of live birth, an actual birth certificate.

If that checked out, he would have to explain how he fulfills the definition of "natural born citizen" given that his father was not an American citizen. Not a US citizen born in the United States, but a "natural born citizen."

There is, after all, a legal difference between being born a citizen of the United States and being a natural-born citizen of the United States.

The first requires EITHER American parents OR birth on American soil.
The second requires BOTH American parents AND birth on American soil.

So, all relevant evidence would have to be brought forward.
College transcripts and scholarships might even have to be examined.
All the documents that were never revealed would have to come out from under wraps.
All kinds of questions would have to be answered.

Yes, that's what would happen if these nefarious gentlemen... nefarious, I tell you!... nefarious gentlemen were prosecuted.

Somehow, I don't think these gentlemen will be prosecuted.

UPDATE 4/21/2010

My prophetic abilities remain intact.

1) In fact, after investigation by the Secret Service (who are required to investigate all threats against the President), neither one of the nefarious gentlemen have been prosecuted by the federal government, nor are they expected to be.


2) Despite Mark Shea's suggestions, the Secret Service has not even begun to hint that they will investigate me for having broken federal law.

Why would they investigate me?
Well, because Mark says I am complicit in violating federal law: conspiracy to assassinate a President!

Yes, MURDER MOST FOUL!!! (hisses....)

And I'm "coy" to boot.
I knew I was a goy, but I didn't realize I was coy.

In any case, since Shea NEVER engages in hateful, malicious, totally absurd ad hominem attacks we know he must be right. Yet the Secret Service seems to dither.

Hmmm... again.

Could it be a.... conspiracy?

Are Secret Service agents conspiring with me against the President?
Tune in to Mark Shea's blog to find out more!
But bring your tinfoil hat, a set of earplugs, and a small towel to wipe away the spittle of his rage. He can be a "wet" speaker sometimes, if you know what I mean.

And, if you do drop by, don't forget to send him my thanks for his personal endorsement of me, "bitter writer" that I am, and two of my best-selling books!

Yes, he loved me once, before he hated me.

Or, to put it as only Ralph Waldo Emerson could, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines."



Bill Hoog said...

No story here. Move along! Move along!

Patrick said...

Can we do that now that Hawaii is deciding that they will no longer honor any requests for his "live" birth certificate?

Pauli said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steve Kellmeyer said...


I see you prefer cleverly reasoned, cogent and logical refutations to pure ad hominem attack.

Mark Shea imitates your line of argument perfectly. Perhaps you are long lost twin brothers?

I agree that birthers keep pretty lousy company: Michelle Obama, National Public Radio, members of the Kenyan parliament, news organizations throughout Africa, and the like. Documented birthers, every one.

Why would anyone believe THAT crowd, when we could follow you, Mark Shea, Chris Matthews and Maureen Dowd?


Jordanes said...

An interesting theory, but if the reason those two Twitterers had not yet been charged a month after making their assassination threats is because President Obama is afraid he would have to prove he is a natural-born citizen, then why are several other incidents of death threats against the President currently working their way through the federal courts?

There are other possible explanations for their not yet having been charged a month after making their threats. It could be that the investigation was not yet complete and the feds were not yet ready to file charges (what the current status of these cases might be I don't know). It could be that the decision was made that the threats were not serious and didn't warrant prosecution, given that the feds are already prosecuting a number of other assassination threat cases. It could be that they didn't want to prosecute because, from what I understand, at least one of the Twitterers is black, and the President and Eric Holder apparently don't want to prosecute blacks.

The notion that it's because Obama knows the Birthers are right is just ridiculous.

Steve Kellmeyer said...

You keep using that word.

I do not think it means what you think it means.